Fuck You Santa
You must have been
a pretty lonely boy.
Fuck you, Santa.
I stand on the deck of the ferry towards Arctic Circle, towards
Santa Claus Town, towards a long forgotten happieness of my
I feel a bit soft pounded in my head, take a deep breath and watch
how freight wagons are being driven onto the ferry and parked in a
space-saving manner. A mosaic
of yellow and white rectangles. A sauna session with two embarrassed Russians and canned beer later, I mourn the lack
of being boozed, which should have increased the excitement
for this journey.
Piritori. Speed Square. This is where best to buy hard drugs
in Helsinki. One night I go around the houses with Pauli.
Take pictures of drunk people and almost get beaten up
by a pretty woman. Heading north I now sit in the bar of the
night-train, which is noisy in a Spanish manner, but full of Finns. On my way to Rovaniemi: the Official Home Town
of Santa Claus.
Santa Claus Town. All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun by Sheryl Crow is playing
on the radio at the hotel bar. I am happy and look at the gray
blinds that hang in front of the windows that would illuminate
everything in golden stripes when the sun would shine. To my right
there are three gambling machines. In front of them are two boys
and an elderly woman. Music that emphasizes success plays
from the machines.
The same guy serves me a burger for the third time at my favorite
american-style restaurant in Rovaniemi. He seems to be rugged down
and exhausted, still cool-looking: long hair, cappy and jeans.
I ask how he is doing. Living the dream,
Met Santa Claus Today. Just wanted to stop by and say hello,
I say to him. He speaks German to me, is happy about my visit, asks if I have a girlfriend and if I want to take a photo with him. Afterwards I drink a beer for lunch with two old swedish guys who I met earlier at the bus stop. Later at home I take a nap, go to the sauna, drink the rest from lunch and then quickly to Hemmingway‘s for an Irish Coffee.
December 13th. Arctic Circle.
Fairy lights everywhere.
Pre-Christmas feelings. I take a walk in Rovaniemi,
everything is white. Surrounded by iced air I wait
to be picked up by a friend and look around. Nothing
really happens. Except a man vomiting in the snow.
Being desperate from the high cost of the beer I walk home in the afternoon in complete darkness. On my way two mormons start to talk to me. They are from America, the golden country of opportunities. The next morning I find myself in a holy Christmas Mass. People speak fervently about Jesus and begin to cry with glorification.
Korvatunturi, ear mountain: Santa‘s non-commercialized special
center. It is located on the edge of everything, its postalcode is
99999. View from his base far over Finland
and Russia. Reindeers are not allowed to enter. From here Santa can hear the wishes of all children around the world.
Santa Claus Town, gentle rain, excellent weather.
I visit Santa for the second time. He hardly notices
me because he looks at his smart phone. I ask
if this is his new gift. He replies yes, and we have to
do it quickly, he is busy. He doesn't speak German
with me this time. My faith fills with doubt.
So we get to the point. I ask if I could sit on his lap.
He answers, actually only the women are allowed.