This website uses cookies.

We use cookies to provide our website as well as analyse how our users interact with it in order to improve the experience. To learn more read our Privacy Policy.

Fuck You Santa

You must have been a pretty lonely boy. Fuck you, Santa.

I stand on the deck of the ferry towards
Arctic Circle, feel a bit soft pounded in my head,
take a deep breath and watch how freight wagons
are being driven onto the ferry and parked in a space-saving
manner. A mosaic of yellow and white rectangles.
A sauna session, two embarrassed Russians, canned beer.
I mourn the lack of being boozed, which should have
increased the excitement, and go into a small cabin,
filled with tight-fitted rows of seats, a narrow hallway,
my sleeping place, and go to bed.

Was with Santa Claus today. I said I just wanted to stop by
and say hello. He spoke German to me, asked if I had
a girlfriend and was happy about my visit. Afterwards,
I had a beer for lunch with two old swedish guys whom
I met earlier at the bus stop. Later at home I took a nap,
went to the sauna, drank the rest from lunch and then
quickly to Hemmingway's for an Irish Coffee.

December 14th, Arctic Circle, fairy lights everywhere,
pre-christmas feelings: Hello Santa! I go out of the airport,
everything is white. I freez and wait to be picked up.
While a man pukes in the snow.

Korvatunturi, postalcode 99999, located on the
edge of everything, called ear mountain. Santa's
non-commercialized special center. View from
his base far over Finland and Russian Siberia.
From here Santa can hear the wishes of all children
around the world. Yäkälä is growing and colors
the ground white, even during midsummer.
Reindeers are not allowed here.

Next morning the entire landscape is wrapped
in a monstrous cushion of impenetrable fog.
A flag hangs down being tired. All of Lapland is
foggy, no wind, no forcing makes it possible
to see far. The crackling of my cigarette seems
to be the loudest thing in Lapland at this moment.

Santa Claus Town, gentle rain, excellent weather.
I visit Santa for the second time. He hardly notices
me because he looks at his smart phone. I ask
if this is his new gift. He replies yes, and we have to
do it quickly, he is busy. He doesn't speak German
with me this time. My faith fills with doubt.
So we get to the point. I ask if I could sit on his lap.
He answers, actually only the women are allowed.